BlueMoonStables

Hey guys, long time no see!

Well actually, I am online every day, keeping up with the things you do. I am here watching you
But oh man, am I still really a part of the community I love so much? This is like my second life, my other reality. And I miss it.
Feeling kinda lost.. and I am deep in thought.

Lately I haven't drawn at all.. there are so many things I want to draw, but the motivation, the inspiration, they have both left me.
I can't really blame life, though that's easy to do. Sure I work alot, 6 nights a week, and it is taking a toll on me. I have an appartement
and animals to care for. BUT, drawing is my life.. and without it I am not complete. Even if I have tons to do, I have always made time
for it.

What has changed?

See, I am as said lost in thought. Why I love drawing so much is because of the sharing - sharing of thoughts and emotions printed into
a work of art. A picture says more than a 1000 words, right? But, and I am asking you now, have I really succeeded doing that? Have I
summoned thoughts and emotions within you with my art? Have I ever inspired someone?..
Since young days I have been told that people "hate" me because I draw so good, and that they want to stop drawing because of it.. that
is the exact opposite of what I am trying to do here! Just as many artists have inspired me I want to do the same to others! I want to
be a reason for you to keep drawing. I want to share with you, I want you to share with me. I want to give you an idea, I want to get an
idea from you. Lately I just feel like.. why should I go on doing something that doesn't seem to matter, or do any good, anyway?

Am I maybe asking for too much?

Cause I don't really like my art either.. I am perhaps comparing myself too much with others. Why can't I draw like that? Why am I not
that good? Will I ever be? How can someone like my art when I don't like it myself? Comparing yourself with someone is perhaps one of
the dumbest things you can do, depending on HOW you do it. You can compare in a way where you grab certain ideas and progress with
your own art, which is great. And you can compare in a way where you feel like just giving up.. which isn't good at all. Have I gotten there?..

Have I lost you?

All my friends here, how much you mean to me.. Yes, YOU *points*. You don't even know. When no one else is around, I know you are right here. Always here.
I can talk to anyone of you. None of you judge. I miss you so much.. is it too late for me to come back now? I have probably lost most of you..
Believe me, I understand why and I am not angry about it. Not at you. Angry at myself tho? Yeah. How could I turn my back at something
so amazing? But also, I have been so deep down, I don't think it could have gone any other way. I am still here tho, and as I said, I am watching
you all, wishing I was still a part of it.

Digging myself up again. Atleast trying. My wish is to be among you again, soon. I hope you will take me back! I will do my best to find a way
back into your hearts! That's where I wish to be.

We all have our ups and downs.. But I can see the surface, and soon the sun will light up my face again!

Oh gosh how poetic.. *shudders* sorry about that..

Long journal is long. If no one has read it, that's totally fine. Just feels good to put it out there. If you have read it, thank you it means
the world to me that you would want to listen to my rant hope to see you soon.

Love, Blue